I'm slacking behind.....

written on 28th June.....

I dont want to say this, but I must do so, cos it's been more than a week since I wrote on this. I've been in 'delay mode' the last few days or past week. This is really not good. I need to prioritize. I wrote that on my facebook display message too. Well actually the last few days have been mostly trying to digest the news Micheal Jackson's death and the shock and sadness of it all has been too much for me. I know I shouldn't let myself get so affected by it but it has done that. Well I have avoided the televison for most part of the day hoping to forget about it.

Anyway to skip to a lighter note, today I had my pal the dog visit me, yes she is in town and we met briefly a few times and today she came by to say bye before she leaves in a few days. I was too busy with my kids and we could not really have a proper catch up. But it was still nice to see her and share a few moments together.

continued 3rd July.....

Well, well here I am after many pauses, trying to putatleast a piece of my thoughts in a sentence. I have been pretty occupied and pre occupied the last days that my time is spent in either doing the necesarry household chores or when I am free 'trying not to worry' about those pre occupying thoughts. Like I said I need to really think strategically and decide which path I need to follow. Who said life is easy right?

Once again trying to skip onto a lighter note, I am also hoping to go on vacation soon so alot of planning is going on mentally which keeps me even more occupied. Otherwise i would say that days are just breezing past me, sometimes I am like 'what? its already Friday? I thought it was only Monday yesterday!'

Father's Day...

I don't know if I should be writing this or not but I feel compelled to do so,more because I have this blog going and I think it's rather a good title to blog about. For me Father's Day brings mixed feelings.Feelings I would rather not touch. Feelings I have put at the back of my mind and kept them numb.However, I will take the painful effort and share a little bit of what is left of my ailing relationship with my father.Right now we only communicate with text messages and that too just short notices giving some info over a financial matter.That's it. I have not spoken to him in person for more than a year now.So this will pretty much sum up my relationship with him.

I don't know why and cant find an explanation that justifies it enough,my father just has this wall around himself that you just cannot pass beyond.He doesn't know how to express love and has always been very stern with us. My siblings and I are actually quite afraid of him even though we still love him. We have accepted him the way he is,he does not realize it. I am not over looking the times he has been mentally and physically supportive while my sister and I both were going through our divorces. That must have been a hard position to be in while having divorced our own mother.What I want to say here is, no matter how he lends his support he will even do that in a restricted way of his own. He would never let loose himself or his demeanor of sternness. Yes and that is how I know my father always and have this image stuck in my mind. I cannot be made guilty for this because i don't want to have this image and wish so much that it wasn't this way. I wish so much that I could just call him up some days and have a chat. For we have had such times in the past and whatever said and done we are related by blood and that really is thick you know. You just can re bond after many years without a blink. It has happened many times.

Yet I am here, standing defeated and tired of trying to knot and re-knot the ends.Its gets me no where. It keeps me exhausted and weakened.I don't think I am that strong anymore.I don't like to think of Father's Day, for all of these things that I have mentioned. I hold on to the good memories and pass everyday like I am fine, so why should I spoil it today?I feel as I go wandering through my life I must contribute something from my life in writing,I think my thoughts like I write them,they are long and confusing and deeply expressed. My grandfather was a writer and poet and his poems are studied in schools for their Language classes in our own Maldivian script. So there, isn't that a good enough reason to attempt a bit of writing. I am always praying for good things and you should do the same.Pray.

I got a text message...

Well yes, I got a text message from one of my bestest friends the other night, telling me she has been thinking alot about our long standing friendship and she realized that I am the only one who reads whatever she writes, I guess she meant her texts and maybe also her blog. Whatever it is, she wanted to thank me for this. Now in my foggy confused sleepy moment I replied a elaborate message about how much fun we always had and this word 'fun' is what we discovered together kind of bullshit.

Actually, its now that I am really thinking about our long standing 'friendship'. This friendship has weathered many storms together and each time been bounded by more strings than we can detach now. So I think it was not only the good times that kept us going,it was also the bad times that kept us going.

So I really want to dedicate this post to her and give her this message - We are friends because we understand each other very well and respect each other. I believe if we didnt have that we would have fallen apart by now. In life we make many friends but very few remain the same way towards you through the years, and these are friends you have bonded with many times over. We 'bonded' countlessly over many years, over several experiences. You cant break such bonds!

JUMP!!!

1,2,3 ....jump

Its a blank moment...

Good day to everyone,

Today I am not in an inspirational mood to write but I feel I must contribute something to this blog like the way I am supposed to do an assignment....But I feel tired as its very late and sleep is the most urgent thing on my list.Its been a long day with many visitors for tea here. Ofcourse I enjoyed the day and had much laughter too.......I guess some days you are just blank and no matter what you cannot put thoughts into words. So here goes some pictures instead. Nothing too relevant but moments captured to remember....

a fishing boat....

a tropical flower...

a curious visitor....

Age and Change...

Hello bloggers,

I have been thinking that as we age our thinking change so much,its an accepted norm, which maybe any ordinary person may not even think about, like I am doing right now. However, my point is fifteen years back I would never believe that I would say these things, because I believed I would be still the same reckless, dare devil I used to be with a famous claim that I used to make to my friends 'there's no word called 'regret' in my vocabulary'! OH how WRONG could I have been, now I have to say there are more than a few 'regrets' in my bag of mistakes. My beliefs and morals have completely changed compared to then. To think I was just reminded by a friend recently what a fan I was of Kurt Cobain and soon after his sudden death, I used to quote his words on his suicide note "peace, love, empathy" and I am like thinking what??? Was I fascinated by someone's suicide note!!!Honestly! Likewise, when I was studying away from home and experiencing the new found freedom I had, I used to go out and party with my friends, not minding to climb over gates and sleep in cars when we got locked out. The worse images are of creeping through dark alleys with friends and sitting to smoke cigarettes with them as if it was the greatest thing! oh and how about accepting lifts home from unknown people we met at the discos! They were usually friends of friends and so not strangers to us 'officially' as our thinking was then, so it was completely fine by us!But now I would rather walk alone than take a ride from an unknown!

So I could go on and on, but each time I go back down memory lane and go through the days when I was a young single girl I remember most how much guts I had and even though I didnt have enough life experience I was still very brave to have done the kind of things that I did. Oh how we sail through youth with no reserves and no care and only with the aim to have fun. That was always the priority. I guess thats why people say to make the most of your youth.

However now, after a marriage, two kids and many life experiences later,so much needs to be weighed before making a decision. In other words, for good or not, we think twice before doing anything. But I still like to think I am a person who moves along with the trend, and abide by the beliefs of the times we live in....but boy,each generation takes a step higher than the other, so how do we keep track of that?? I wonder how much of my thinking would change in another decade???

the young me on the left with best friends...

the adult me in the middle with the same friends....